


Out of Character

by RunaLiore



Series: MisaKoko [1]
Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Kanon tries to be helpful and encouraging, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Misaki is stressed and in love and doesn't understand anything, Misaki-Kokoro-Michelle Love Triangle, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 19:49:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14900870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunaLiore/pseuds/RunaLiore
Summary: Misaki has had a rough month. She can't even explain why she has a crush on Kokoro to herself and it doesn't go much better whenever she tries to tell Kokoro in person. In fact it's gone terribly, almost a dozen times now. Misaki is almost ready to give up, and there's only really one thing she can think of: If Kokoro isn't interested in a confession from her, maybe she'd rather get one from Michelle.





	Out of Character

**Author's Note:**

  * For [satelliteinasupernova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/satelliteinasupernova/gifts).



> A gift for satelliteinasupernova for her birthday - here you go, your two favorite weird gay band kids lol
> 
> Also, Thank You Izilen for once again helping me brainstorm ideas for gay band girl fanfiction :D

Misaki’s had a rough month.

Almost four weeks ago, she stammered out a question to Kokoro after band practice one day: “D-Do you want to go for ice cream… or something, after this?” That question led to a sudden ice cream party involving all of Hello Happy World, eight people on the sidewalk outside of CiRCLE, and ended with Kokoro buying an entire ice cream truck. That was tiring. Kokoro constantly asking Misaki to tell Michelle to join them was just painful.

 

About two and a half weeks ago, Misaki mentioned to Kokoro that it was nice talking with her sometimes and that she wanted to maybe talk with her more often. Kokoro just smiled at her.

“Oh? But we already talk a lot when you schedule band practices and we set up live shows, and when we write down lyrics and make songs! Oh, wait, Misaki, we should go write a song right now about the idea Hagumi had last week!”

 

A little over a week back, Misaki tried talking to Kokoro after a show. She hadn’t planned it and she stammered out a few clumsy compliments, things she didn’t know she wanted to say like “Y-your voice is really pretty,” and “Kokoro… you’re really amazing, somehow.” Kokoro smiled, thanked her, and then spent the next twenty minutes talking about how amazing she thought Michelle was during their show. She wished she could’ve felt flattered, but instead she felt a bit like a crumpled up costume suit.

 

Four days ago, Misaki finally cracked. After sitting at her desk staring blankly at the chalkboard for more than a few minutes, she suddenly bolted up and ran downstairs, through the courtyard and after Kokoro. At the time, she didn’t think about the ridiculous number of people who could see her.

“Kokoro!” She shouted loud enough to get Kokoro’s attention, which was good, and loud enough to stop everyone else in their tracks, which was catastrophic. Kokoro turned to face her and Misaki’s hands shook.

“Kokoro, you know you’re so frustrating sometimes!? I just,” Misaki took a breath and swallowed hard, “I don’t understand it! And I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes, but for some reason I really like being around you and, AH! Damn it, I just… really like you… ok?”

The whole schoolyard watched Misaki, red in the face and panting as she waited for Kokoro’s response. Without a pause, Kokoro smiled and tilted her head.

“I like you too, Misaki! And Everyone in Hello Happy World, and everyone at school!” She stretched her arms out wide and Misaki just sank. Kokoro noticed right away and leaned over to look Misaki in the eye.

“You seem really upset right now though, Misaki. You should smile more! You look so worried right now but our live show last week went so well! Ah, I know! You probably need more fun things to do now that we don’t have to practice and worry about the live show every day! Come on!”

And so that day ended with Kokoro dragging Misaki off to the track field where, miraculously, a giant trampoline waited for them. She invited the rest of Hello Happy World to join them and so they were only really alone for a matter of seconds since Hagumi was already on the field. Kokoro did a perfect aerial round off and a triple spin. Hagumi did a cannonball and then a belly flop. Kanon tried her best not to fall over. Misaki wanted to cry.

 

* * *

 

 

The next week, Kanon found Misaki sitting alone in her classroom long after everyone else had left for the day. She was mumbling to herself, hunched over a piece of pink stationary on her desk with one hand pressed into her scalp. She didn’t seem to notice Kanon the first time she called out and Kanon could just barely hear her talking to herself.

“No, no no… ah, this is so pointless. I can’t believe I’m doing this, this is so dumb, I’m the dumbest one in the band…”

“Um, Misaki…?” Kanon took another step and Misaki dropped her pen, bolted upright, and covered the letter with her arms.

“K-Kanon!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you… you just looked really stressed so I came in to check…”

“Ah,” Misaki turned back to the letter in front of her and smiled in a weary and empty way. “Well. You and the whole school probably remember how things went last week… when I tried to talk to Kokoro. Or I guess… c-confess… Ah!”

She buried her face in her hands, “And you saw how it went. So I’m giving up trying to tell Kokoro that I like her. Heck… I’ve given up trying to explain to myself why I like her so much… but I can’t really stop so I’m writing a confession letter to her… from Michelle.”

Kanon almost jumped. “Misaki… is that really what you want to do?”

“Yeah…” Misaki rolled her face over onto the desk and stared through the far wall, “I don’t really like it and it feels like the wrong way to go about things but…” She grimaced and shoved herself up and away from the desk until she was leaning back and shouting at the ceiling,

“Ah! Damn it! If she only cares about Michelle then I’ll be Michelle!”

She groaned and covered her eyes with her arm. Beside her, Kanon glanced at the letter for a moment and then looked back to Misaki.

“I don’t think you have to go that far… I think Kokoro will probably understand if you keep explaining. Maybe she just needs you to explain it some other way?”

Misaki lowered her arm just enough to glance aside at Kanon. “But it doesn’t really matter if the one she really likes is Michelle, does it? Ah, this is so ridiculous,” Misaki laughed, ragged and low, “I can’t believe I’m losing out to the bear costume I wear on stage...”

She looked back down at the letter and when she looked up again, she saw Kanon trying to smile as warmly as she could. She patted Misaki on the shoulder.

“Misaki, you really want Kokoro to care about you, don’t you? I know it’s hard but I don’t know if confessing as Michelle is going to go well… If you confess as Michelle and Kokoro accepts those feelings, wouldn’t you have to go on dates as Michelle? And then hang out as Michelle? And only talk to her as Michelle?”

Misaki stared back at her and didn’t blink. “No, I’m fine with that,” She said, “somehow. It’s better than this, so, sure. Why not?”

Kanon’s smile faltered and she seemed at a loss. “I-I see. I hope everything works out alright then, Misaki…”

“Ah, yeah.” Misaki smiled and Kanon thought that she’d never looked so run down or harried as she had then. “Thanks, Kanon.”

 

* * *

 

 

The letter was ready by the end of the week, after Misaki finished working through three drafts and a pile of anxiety. She asked Kokoro, as Michelle, to meet her in the shopping district just before noon. That way at least she’d be able to grab a cake or something if things didn’t go well.

 As usual, Kokoro’s bodyguards helped Misaki into her Michelle costume, although she had no idea why they were so eager to help her in this situation. On top of the regular Michelle outfit, she was wearing a new blouse and skirt the suits made for Michelle with a convenient shoulder bag to make up for the fact that, as with most bears, Michelle had no pockets. When she saw herself in a shop window she almost laughed.

 _It really is like Michelle is going on a date…_ She thought, and then she focused on what she’d planned.

She found Kokoro outside the Hazawa café as she’d asked, though instead of waiting there Kokoro was doing cartwheels across the pavement to entertain school children.

 _Ah_ , Misaki thought, _That’s why one of the suits was missing earlier… she’s probably waiting around here somewhere to make sure Kokoro doesn’t fall. Ok, now I’m just stalling. Ok, Michelle._

She took a breath and called out across the plaza.

“Kokoro!”

 Her voice rang out louder than she intended and more than a few shoppers paused to look at her. It was almost like that day in the school courtyard, at least so far. Kokoro’s reaction was completely different.

“Michelle!”

Before Misaki could even wave, Kokoro was sprinting toward her and leaping with her arms outstretched. Misaki panicked and braced herself as best she could – Kokoro slammed into her chest and squeezed while Misaki stumbled back and nearly toppled over. She managed to land against a lamp post before she lost her balance completely and she sighed. From a nearby alley, she saw a couple of the suits watching her and flashing a thumbs up. She couldn’t look away for long, though. Kokoro was still squeezing her tight and looking up at her with an almost sparkling grin.

“Michelle, I’m so glad you’re here! We usually only get to see you during practice or at shows!”

Misaki’s heart was racing, part from the fear of nearly falling over onto a storm drain and part from the feeling of holding Kokoro so close. She also felt incredibly dumb and she wanted it to stop, but also she never wanted it to stop. She could feel herself slipping into that reckless state of mind where she said things before thinking through them, which is exactly what happened.

“Oh, yes! I’m glad to see you too, Kokoro. I’ve missed you since our last live show and, ah, and I…” She was already starting to sweat. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea to put on a full costume like this in August. She noticed Kokoro waiting on her and she cleared her through to go on.

“I thought we could walk around the shopping district and talk for a while.”

Kokoro beamed. “That sounds amazing! Let’s go, Michelle!”

She grabbed Michelle’s hand and headed off through the plaza. Misaki hated how much she liked that. They walked over to about six different shops, though they didn’t really end up shopping or even going inside most of the places they visited. Kokoro kept talking about all of her ideas for new songs and about how fun she thought Michelle’s performances were, and somewhere along the way Misaki lost all concentration and just kept staring at Kokoro as she led her through the district. Before she realized it, they were a long way away from the café where they’d started and, at least for the moment, they were alone on a quiet side street. Misaki tried to steady herself and focus.

_This might be the best chance I get so… well, good luck, Michelle._

“Kokoro,” she said, as Michelle, “I’m really happy we’ve been able to talk like this today.”

“Me too!” Kokoro smiled and bounced in place.

Misaki nodded and took a sharp breath. “I’m really glad we had a chance to talk, but there’s still something important I need to tell you. I want you to have this,” She reached into her bag and fumbled a bit until she could hear the letter crinkle slightly in Michelle’s hands. She held the letter out and inside the suit, her face was twisted up and drenched in sweat. Outside, though, Michelle was smiling as easily as ever. Kokoro took the letter and considered it curiously before she opened it and started reading. She went through a couple of lines and then she got quiet.

“Michelle, what is…”

Watching her reaction was strange, though strange was really just the best word Misaki could find to stand in for something that was exciting and nerve-wracking and also kind of hurt and it wasn’t what she wanted but in a way it still made her happy. Kokoro’s face brightened and she was almost glowing by the time she reached the bottom of the page. She even gasped at one point, about where “Michelle” told her how much she liked her, as more than just a friend and a band mate. Misaki couldn’t help but laugh.

_Hey hey hey… most of that’s the same stuff I told you before face to face. Ah… I guess I really can’t compete against Michelle, can I?_

And then Kokoro was finished. She’d gone from curious to smiling wide to thinking very seriously and then finally she beamed up at Michelle as she clutched the letter tight.

“Michelle, I’m so glad!” She jumped over and rubbed her face against Michelle’s shoulder. Her hands were clasped around Michelle’s back and inside the suit, Misaki felt like she was going to die from something between elation and disappointment.

“Michelle, I’m so glad you feel that way. I love you so much and you always make me so happy!” Kokoro leaned back and grinned and in that moment Misaki had no idea what to say. This was what she expected right? Or at least it was what she wanted to happen… wasn’t it? And yet she couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She hugged Kokoro back and Kokoro laughed again, and finally Misaki managed to squeak out a faint “Me too…” Then Kokoro stopped laughing and for a moment she stayed there quiet, leaning against Michelle. Then she pulled away and smiled, but there was something different in her smile this time.

“I’m really glad, Michelle, and I love you so much, but I think… No, it’s more that, I don’t think I can accept your feelings, Michelle.”

 _What._ Misaki froze. _Wait… why? I don’t get it… even as Michelle I can’t...?_

“I-I see, I…”

“It’s just,” Kokoro went on and pulled back, stepping away and holding Michelle’s hands, “Your letter made me really happy, but also it made me think about exactly how I feel about you, and I don’t think it’s exactly the same! But reading it reminded me of a feeling I had and some things I keep thinking, and I kept feeling so happy that hear that you liked me so much because I like you a lot too! But then also I started thinking… maybe this isn’t the sort of Happy I should be looking for? It’s really weird! I’ve never thought about it before, but maybe it can be true that two different things could both make you really happy but really, you only want one of them and so maybe the other one isn’t meant for you!

Misaki’s head was already spinning and Kokoro’s words weren’t making the scenery any clearer. She felt like she was trying to sprint to catch up to the conversation she was already in.

“Kokoro I-I’m not sure I understand.”

“Me neither!” Kokoro hopped up and smiled bright. “I don’t understand it very well at all, but when I was reading what you wrote I kept thinking of a certain person. You know, when we started Hello Happy World it was because I wanted to make everyone in the world smile! But sometimes it feels like some people need it more than others, and other times I just want to make some people smile so badly I can’t leave them alone. Ah! That’s right, I should ask you for advice!”

“M-me?” Misaki took a moment to remember that she was still Michelle right now and she steadied herself as best she could. “O-oh, of course. About what?”

“You know,” Kokoro said, swinging Michelle’s hands a bit, “I always try to make Misaki smile since she always seems to be so worried and upset, and lately whenever I can make her smile even for just a little bit, I feel so,” She threw her hands up suddenly and grinned so wide Misaki almost couldn’t look, “so amazing and sparkling and wonderful!”

She laughed, and Misaki watched in the way that you might watch a beautiful storm in the distance. She had no idea where this was going and there was a good chance it could wreck her, but she wanted to find out anyway.

“Kokoro,” She said, less like Michelle than before, “does it really make you that happy?”

Kokoro tilted her head, her smile softened and she reached out to hug Michelle again for just a moment.

“I’m sorry Michelle, but I love you a lot and I know you’ll be okay. I think I want to spend more time with Misaki though,” She said, bouncing back on her heels, “and I want to make sure she can smile without feeling like things are about to come crashing down on her.”

Inside the costume, Misaki felt like she may have just died. Maybe she died back when Kokoro tackled her and all of this was a dream? She didn’t feel like she was in her own body or Michelle’s at the moment. She felt something splash across her neck and realized that at some point, her tears were mixing with the sweat dripping from her face. She had to know.

“I understand, I think,” Michelle said, “but Kokoro please tell me exactly what you mean by that.”

Kokoro just shook her head once. “I’m not really sure! Honestly,” she glanced away, “Misaki is a hard person for me to understand so sometimes I think I avoid her because of that, and Michelle you’re so fluffy and easy to talk to! So it’s easy to be around you, but I’m sorry.” She looked back at Michelle and spoke with a sort of seriousness Misaki hadn’t heard from her before, “I’m sorry. I think... I think I want to understand more about why I want to make Misaki smile so much, and why I feel like I don’t want to leave her alone.”

A bell rang nearby as a shop door opened and a few people poured out onto the street. The Sun sank behind a tall building and even in the breeze, the air felt still. Misaki couldn’t stop her heart from pounding and she was afraid she was going to collapse or worse, do something stupid like take the suit off and try to kiss Kokoro right there. She choked, and then she shut her eyes and stopped thinking.

“Kokoro, thank you,” Michelle said, “I understand, and I’ll always care a lot about you, too. I’m really glad to be alongside you and everyone else in Hello Happy World, and I hope… I hope we can talk like this again.”

Kokoro grinned. “Of course! We can always make time for you, Michelle!”

Misaki shook her head and laughed to herself, which fortunately made Michelle look like she was bopping back and forth happily. She was… relieved? And worried. But happy? And confused… more than anything she was drenched in sweat and very possibly about to pass out from the heat.

“Thanks. Um, I have to go now, but I’ll see you at our next rehearsal.”

“Oh, ok!” Kokoro ran up again and gave Michelle another hug, “I’ll see you later Michelle!”

“See you later!” Misaki backed away, waving and stumbled into the nearest alley she could find. The suits were already waiting for her there with a spare change of clothes and when she found them, they were all staring and giving her a thumbs up.

“Okusawa-sama, congratulations.”

“Ah,” Misaki sighed and struggled to pull the costume off, “ok, thanks… please just help me take this off now, I feel like I aged 10 years today…”

 

A week later, on a Sunday afternoon, Kanon was following Chisato through the shopping district to a new tea shop she’d found the previous weekend. They were running a bit late, though Chisato’s pace was measured and even as always.

“Sorry for being late again, Chisato. I… got lost.”

Chisato smiled and laughed to herself. “It’s alright, I have plenty of time today. Shall we?”

Kanon nodded. “Yes! I looked up this shop online and it sounds really good. They make most of their tea themselves in the shop and –”

“…Kanon?” Chisato stopped and noticed that Kanon had fallen behind. She turned back and found Kanon staring at an ice cream shop across the plaza. Chisato laughed.

“Kanon, if you’d rather have ice cream you can just say so, I won’t mind.”

“Huh? Oh! No,” Kanon shook her head and waved her hands, “No it isn’t that, I just saw a couple member from my band, that’s all.”

“Oh?”

Kanon smiled. “Yeah. It’s ok, I can catch up with them later. Let’s go!” She raised a fist high in the air and marched off three paces… then Chisato reached forward and turned her in the right direction. She laughed again and they headed off down the street. As they passed the ice cream shop, though, Chisato couldn’t help but glance aside.

Standing outside on the patio, Kokoro and Misaki were picking out ice cream and ordering by the scoop. Kokoro went first and picked three, then four, and then six full scoops on a single cone that almost immediately started toppling over. Misaki waved her hands in a panic to try and catch the falling ice cream but before any of it hit the ground, Kokoro grabbed a few extra cones in her other hand and caught the falling pieces. She grinned wide and showed her teeth a bit and Misaki sighed through a smile she was doing a very poor job of hiding. With all the ice cream safe in hand Kokoro started licking each one in turn and then after she’d tried them all, she took another taste of something chocolate and covered in fudge and then handed it over to Misaki.

“Here Misaki, this is the best one!”

Misaki took it and just stared at the cone as her ears went red. She immediately took a huge bite and then smacked her head from the pain while Kokoro laughed.

By that point Chisato noticed that Kanon was falling behind again, still watching Kokoro and Misaki. She tapped Kanon’s shoulder.

“Kanon… is everything alright with those two?”

Kanon just smiled a bit awkwardly. “I’m not sure but, I think, maybe? At least, I think it will be.”


End file.
